Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A Post at Dawn

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways...

I love thee without reason, without conditions, without limits

There is only feeling without form

That I feel when you hold my hand in yours

In the early hours of dawn

In the moments of our deprived solitude...

How do I love thee?

Without a 'how'

Just a 'do'

Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Painted Veil

Lift not the painted veil which those who live

Call Life: though unreal shapes be pictured there,

And it but mimic all we would believe
With colours idly spread,—behind, lurk Fear
And Hope, twin Destinies; who ever weave
Their shadows, o’er the chasm, sightless and drear.
I knew one who had lifted it—he sought,
For his lost heart was tender, things to love,
But found them not, alas! nor was there aught
The world contains, the which he could approve.
Through the unheeding many he did move,
A splendour among shadows, a bright blot
Upon this gloomy scene, a Spirit that strove
For truth, and like the Preacher found it not.

 ~Percy Bysshe Shelley~


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Life begins...

I turned 40 this month. I was not quite sure how to feel about the whole experience and it was like I was waiting for a big explosion of some sort to happen during the day. It was my second day at a new job and that sort of "cushioned" my edginess. Many people say that life begins at 40. Well, the truth is, life begins when you want it to begin. You don't exactly have to wait for your age to reach a certain number for your life to "begin".

Maybe what is meant by that statement (which I've always felt is a bunch of sugar-coated sour grapes) is that at 40, life has somewhat "stabilized" and is moving at a more constant pace. Let's use me as an example. I am more calm and collected. I no longer suffer from those bouts of restlessness, dissatisfaction and eternal anxiety that haunt many people who are of a younger age group. I am no longer on the hunt for true love. I've met with love, hung around it for a while, decided that it wasn't true after all and moved on. Now I understand that in order for true love to happen, I have to be true to myself first and foremost.

Most importantly, I have arrived at a point where I really know myself and I know what I want in life. I am no longer easily persuaded by what other people say I should do or who I should be. Other people's expectations are no longer my concern. I can now say (with panache and grace) "This is what I want, and this is what I will do". This, to me, is the most valuable gift for turning 40.

PS I have also survived a place that would make Mordor look like play school and Sauron like a kindergarten teacher. Nothing can beat that.

PPS Jared's turning 40 too in December :)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Mother and Son

I have recently become a mother to a teenager. I am still trying to let this seep in and settle down somewhere at the bottom of my sanity. Hopefully it will seep and stay there, quiet and dormant for eternity. To tell you the truth, I am scared.

I walked down the "Teenager" road once and it wasn't an easy time for me. I was awkward, plump and prone to OCD. I was also in love with Michael Jackson. I read somewhere that who we love mirrors our own selves, our own personalities and psyche. Go figure!

So, I thought that, for my son's sake, I would be mentally and emotionally prepared to help him through this turbulent time. And the fact that he doesn't actually have a physically-present strong father figure within 5km of himself worries me.

But one thing I would never do is lie to him. I would never tell him that love would always be beautiful and happy. I would tell him that love CAN be beautiful and happy if you worked for it and worked hard to keep it. I would never tell him that money is everything. I would tell him that money CAN be everything if you let it. It can consume your live and your humanity if you let it rule you. In other words, I would choose to use the modals because 'modals', like my English teacher told me once, allows more possibilities, more gray than black or white. And life is full of that.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My First Love Story

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Membrane

I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have my everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time--everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

Thank you, Elizabeth Gilbert

Monday, September 27, 2010


I decided to watch M. Night Shyamalan's latest work entitled "Devil". I decided to watch this with the thought that this is Night's attempt at redemption. That he's trying to redeem himself after his "failure" with The Last Airbender. And truth be told, I really wanted him to successfully achieve that. Maybe we shouldn't have such high expectations before watching a movie. The movie was what it said it was, a horror thriller, well more thriller I think. There were those scary-jumping-out-of-your-seats moments and those scream-your-heart-out moments. Okay, let's be fair. It IS a horror-thriller. So jumping and screaming are logical. Can't disagree with that. What saddened me was that this wasn't what Night is all about. He didn't deliver the typical Japanese crawling ghosts or the pale long-haired evil spirits either. His ghosts, or evil, were unseen. Sometimes, they didn't actually have a visually visible physical form. Night's fear formula was the fear inside ourselves. That is the thing that is most frightening. In his previous movies namely The Sixth Sense and Signs, we couldn't actually see the ghost crawling towards us but they appear is shadows, passing by too quickly in flashes. So the audiences are only left with their own fears and imagination to scare the bejeezus out of themselves. And I miss that, even in "Devil". Night's movies used to tell us that the greatest thing to fear is within ourselves, not the unknown entity that we conveniently call ghosts or evil. Night has come a long way in making movies but somewhere along the way, his trademark decided to take a different route. Night, where art thou?